Pave Your Own “Perfect”

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path & leave a trail”

I’ve gone through life with the mindset that to be successful you must be perfect.  I was a straight A student, never really got in to trouble, made every team I tried out for, got into the college I wanted to go to… I thought I had the world figured out.

Well I was wrong.

I got this reality check when I fractured my ankle in September of 2009.  I couldn’t cheer, I couldn’t go out with my friends, I could barely make it to class some days (Rutgers was big.. buses + crutches is not pretty).  For the first time.. I had lost control.  Cheerleading at Rutgers defined me in a sea of 45,000 other people.  Having that taken away left me lost and confused.

When ED started making his way into my life I remember thinking.. “well.. if i can’t be good at anything else, I might as well be good at getting skinny”

and I was…

I was really REALLY good at it.

I had found a sense of control in my ED that I hadn’t had in a long time.  To be successful you must be perfect.. and damn right I made sure I was perfect at my eating disorder.

In late January 2010 after numerous attempts from friends and family I finally accepted help.  But throughout my recovery I have hit many bumps…

and I mean MANY bumps.

 When I first got started I was on a gravel road, and there was not a moment of smooth surface.  Then, that gravel road started to turn into those annoying parking lots with speed bumps every 10 feet (the worst!). From the parking lot we went to the backroads, running into potholes every now and then but in most cases they were avoidable.

And now… ?  

Now I’m on a beach…

Yeah, there are a couple sand dunes… but at the end of the day, on this beautiful path, I leave my own footprints in the sand.

You might think this little analogy is cheesy … but its true.

You can’t expect every day to be smooth sailing down the highway.  In fact.. I hate the highway. Its boring, its never ending, and when you hit traffic… forget it.

Going through the rough patches and making sharp turns is what led me to the path that I’m on now.  It may not have gone exactly the way I planned.. but thank god for GPS, because it re-routed me on a journey with a new beginning.  A journey with obstacles I can’t wait to to knock down, on a path that has no end in sight.

I have found a new “perfect”

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